How to Do Your Own Vipassana Retreat
Whether You Can Sit for Long Or Not
Published: 9/1/2021. Last Edited: 12/16/2021.
In the meditation community, “sitting” is something a little more elaborate than the everyday meaning of the word. It entails not just assuming the actual position, but doing a mental exercise of some kind for some amount of time.
But many of us out there interested in meditation, like me, can’t sit at all, even in the ordinary sense. Maybe for half an hour at a time if we’re not trying to actively torture ourselves.
And there’s yet other reasons to try things on your own terms.
My guide here gets a little less specific to sitting issues in a way since I have primarily pelvic pain, which is different from the typical, more common, low back pain in that the patient, at least this patient in this point in time, can walk long distances. And I should also point out that I didn’t have time to research or figure out how to meditate lying down or reclining without constantly dozing off, which is the main reason all guides have you sit up with your back straight.
With that out of the way, for your reference, the rest of this writeup is broken up as follows:
- What Vipassana Retreats Are
- Why Go Solo?
- Where to Go
- What Program to Follow
- What to Do
- What to Eat
- How to Meditate If You Can’t Sit but Can Walk a Bit
- What to Bring
- What I’d Love to Keep from My Retreat
What Vipassana Retreats Are
My personal interpretation is that they’re an intense exercise in training your mind to focus better, and to remain calm and composed (“equanimous”) in the face of adversity or highly positively charged events.
There’s a lot deeper you can go spiritually, a lot of talk of “full liberation from the impurities of the mind”, but just that training in equanimity should be of universal appeal.
Still, while it’s intense, it’s just a container to learn the basics.
In practical terms, it’s spending all of your waking time quietly sitting, eventually without moving at all for an hour at a time, with your eyes closed, and focusing intently on sensations occurring within your own body. Sound fun?
Well, even if you’d say yes, it is commonly said that less than one percent of people can stick with that focus for more than a minute at a time before their mind wanders somewhere else.
Practice, peace, and continuity are key. Hence this format of going somewhere far from distractions for many days on end and having volunteers take care of your lodging and food.
Why Go Solo?
Sitting issues was my main motivation to recently try and cargo cult the experience by myself in California, although it wasn’t the only one.
Now, generally people have told me, and I’m sold, that you should do your first one in a guided organized environment. But sometimes it’s just too tricky and sometimes you can’t wait.
All established retreats within a few hours of the Bay Area have often been on hold for covid and go pretty overboard with their covid policy in my view. Even when they are back, they tend to be set in remote areas, unfortunately currently, for months, covered in smoke for the second year in a row.
That means a higher risk of fires, interruptions, and cancelations, and just a really unpleasant environment to walk in, and walk I must because doing so relieves my sitting pain.
I was told to go for the S. N. Goenka retreats. I applied to two in California, one in North Fork and one in Kelseyville, was eventually put on a waitlist. Various friends reassured me if I was ready to go day-of, it would work out.
It didn’t, but I was perfectly happy with that since I had already figured out it was better to go somewhere by myself.
I’ll say it right here at the top: I was in a hurry, but it would be even better to go as a small group so that individuals can a. help each other have better continuity of focus by sharing cooking duties; and b. and a better understanding of what they’re supposed to be doing.
Where to Go
Here’s how I picked:
- Somewhere remote so it’s quiet and free of distractions
- Somewhere not that remote so I could drive there (driving hurts too)
- Close to the coast because that’s as safe as you can be from fires and smoke in California this month, August
- Somewhere near a decent chunk of land or trails, accessible without driving and without walking down the side of busy roads. So that I could go on frequent walking breaks, the least painful activity for me other than lying down. Often though, folks unable to sit long can’t walk either, so possibly a moot point in your case. Or you’d need to further restrict to flat walking areas.
- Somewhere affordable
And I do recommend these criteria now that I’m done. They worked out great for me, even though they’re really hard to satisfy all at once.
I lucked out big time with many friends offering spots, but in particular because a family I know in Belmont was traveling for just about the period I needed.
That house was in a situated in a typically sleepy corner of suburbia, although it turns out that you just can’t hide from stuff like lawn mowers and especially leaf blowers, the bane of my existence. And right near Hidden Canyon Park, a beautiful mid-sized area covered in short to taller trees and lined with various walking and biking trails.
I would say you might more ideally have a more boring walking grounds — I interrupted my meditation a few times to watch a friendly local deer family or to get out of the way of trail bicyclists — but that’s a minor consideration.
What Program to Follow
As I alluded to, I only had a couple days since I realized I wasn’t going to travel to the Goenka center before heading out, but I still went in planning on doing the Goenka course.
You can do that by downloading the Dhamma.org phone app https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/about/mobile-app and downloading all audio lectures, 10–15 all told.
The big missing piece here is an experienced Goenka alum. At the guided course, there’s a daily period for interview with the teachers. If you can bring along one such person, more power to you.
If not — I don’t think it’s that hard to do something very close to what you do at the centers.
I did have to go online once after I realized the lectures don’t actually contain the evolution of the daily exercise, which starts with Anapana, closing your eyes and observing your breath. Courtesy of Troy Erstling:
Day 1: Focus on Breath
Day 2: Focus on the feeling of your breath going in and out of your nostrils
Day 3: Focus on any “sensations” or feelings that arise on your upper lip. This can be an itch, a tingle, the feeling of breath going into and out of your nose, heat, perspiration, coolness, dryness, any physical sensation you can feel. The sensation isn’t important, the observation and focus on it IS.
Day 4: You learn the technique of Vipassana — Prior to this you were focusing on any sensations that arise on the area of the upper lip, now you will do this to your ENTIRE BODY. Top of the head, back of the head, sides of the head, forehead, eyebrows, nose, ears, cheeks, lips, jaw, neck, pectorals, biceps, triceps…and so on. Part by part. Piece by piece. From the top of your head down to your feet until you have examined every single solitary aspect of your body for any sensations that arise.
Day 5: Scan from top of the head to the feet over and over looking for sensations. This is also when the Adhittana (strong determination) sittings begin. You will now sit for the full hour without changing positions/posture (if you can).
Day 6: Scan from top of the head to the feet, and then from feet to the head
Day 7: Scan both sides of the body at the same time. If you were previously scanning right side and then left (example right ear and then left ear), now you will try to do both at the same time, passing from the top of your head down to your feet, and then from your feet back up to your head.
Day 8: At this point you may or may not have free flowing sensations throughout the body, making it easy to quickly scan from the top of the head down to the feet, and then back up. If you were previously moving slowly, now you can begin to move a bit faster. If you don’t have these free flowing sensations yet, not to worry, this is normal. Continue to scan part by part, piece by piece. If you have free flow in some areas, scan through those quickly, and if you have to go part by part for other parts of the body, this is fine.
Day 9: If you’re experiencing gross subtle sensations free flowing throughout the body, you might be able to begin doing the “internal scans” where you penetrate from the front of your body through to the back, and then from the back to the front. Or penetrate from left to right, and then right to left. Personally this has never really clicked for me, so I don’t fully understand it yet.
Day 10: You can begin talking again after the Metta session. Metta is Peace, Loving, Kindness meditation. This is my favorite session of the entire ten days. It’s beautiful, and then when it’s finished, you can talk again 😃
Day 11: Morning session and then leave after breakfast.
You also should download and read ahead of time Troy’s full post: What I wish I knew Before Vipassana.
That said, an alternative, and what a more experienced friend said is the most recommended self-guided course, is Insight Meditation: A Step-by-step Course on How to Meditate by Sharon Salzberg and Joseph Goldstein. I couldn’t find an electronic copy of this on Amazon or elsewhere, so you’d better order it immediately if you hope to go soon.
What to Do
Here’s the daily Goenka schedule. Best print it out so you can avoid your phone:
4:00 am Morning wake-up bell
4:30–6:30 am Meditate in the hall or in your room
6:30–8:00 am Breakfast break
8:00–9:00 am Group meditation in the hall
9:00–11:00 am Meditate in the hall or in your room according to the teacher’s instructions
11:00–12:00 noon Lunch break
12 noon-1:00 pm Rest and interviews with the teacher
1:00–2:30 pm Meditate in the hall or in your room
2:30–3:30 pm Group meditation in the hall
3:30–5:00 pm Meditate in the hall or in your own room according to the teacher’s instructions
5:00–6:00 pm Tea break
6:00–7:00 pm Group meditation in the hall
7:00–8:15 pm Teacher’s Discourse in the hall
8:15–9:00 pm Group meditation in the hall
9:00–9:30 pm Question time in the hall
9:30 pm Retire to your own room — Lights out
Now, Goenka has his reasons somewhere online about why the early morning hours are so useful for meditation. The TLDR is probably, “it’s quiet and no one is awake”. Personally, I went easy on the wakeup time for health reasons. I transitioned, over many days, as my body found comfortable from my 11am-2am schedule towards one closer to Goenka’s. I did try — by going to bed when it got dark out, around 9–10pm, and I naturally did move up.
Don’t talk, even though you may be alone. Listen to the audio on the app once per day, perhaps during dinner or before bed. The clips are about 1hr to 1:15hrs long.
Check the instructions for the day per Troy’s list above.
The important part is to push yourself to be meditating 10 hours a day. You’d think that there’s 8 hours for sleep, a couple to eat your two meals a day, another for breaks and showering, and you still have 2 hours to spare.
Well, it still feels incredibly rushed. It’s much tougher than it sounds to sit hour after hour and try to, for example, only notice sensations on your body and not think of any regular-world activity on your mind, or of every stressful event that’s happened recently.
Particularly rushed if you’re trying extracurricular activities that may be more important to you than “giving the technique a [perfectly] fair trial”, as Goenka likes to say. E.g. attempting to get off a medicine to check in with how your body’s doing, and ending up with issues around that.
Throw in the lack of clarity on how to break down the positions when you can’t sit, and some time getting familiar with your surroundings, and you may suddenly find yourself logging 6–8 hours a day, well short of the target. I only managed 10 hours on the very final day, when I was actually back home in San Francisco, had figured out the daily rhythm, had food and knew my walking environment.
Plan a lot ahead of time, print things out so you can hard disconnect your devices the night before/morning of, and dive in.
Timing wise, it all goes out the window if you attempt to cook for yourself, but haven’t precisely planned out every single detail. Which brings us to:
What to Eat
If going alone, the best course of action may be to eat something quick for breakfast like instant oatmeal with chia seeds and blueberries, or an apple with peanut butter, or just toast and an egg. And 10 frozen meals for dinner. The goal is expediency since you’ll have less time than you think.
That said, that might get miserable by day 10 and be counterproductive. You should be able to enjoy at least these food breaks in your “prison”, as Goenka calls it himself, so that you can recharge to do the work properly.
Particularly if you have a group available, plan some kind of rotation ahead of time, such that you minimize the interruption each individual has to their busy day of meditation.
Keep in mind that you’ll be limited by what’s available at your home for the retreat. Many Airbnb’s don’t have an oven for example or a freezer. This tends to vary and is not something I was used to looking at until this trip.
Running low on time on my way, I grabbed familiar produce at Safeway and did cook three meals total for my lunches, and did the quick breakfast thing I described earlier. I had herbal tea a few times as well as a break, inspired by the official schedule. I aggressively limited snacking, and in fact initially only had apples for that. Sadly, I found my hosts’ stash of cookies and indulged a little. I lost 5lb/2.5kg.
Technically, to conform with the Goenka flavor of buddhist tradition, you wouldn’t drink anything, take any intoxicants, steal, kill, or aid killing activity by, for example, eating meat.
Just go vegetarian. It’s faster to cook and clean anyway.
I’m not sure what the official stance is on caffeine — is it an intoxicant? — but if you’re good at using it to stay awake or need it for that, might be a wise decision to use it. Though stop before noon so you can sleep early.
How to Meditate If You Can’t Sit but Can Walk a Bit
Back to the original quandary.
Your mileage may vary, but for me, after a lot of trying, I couldn’t bear sitting longer than 3–5 hours a day total, some of which included eating. Just the baseline of my body today, and no, meditation didn’t help.
Therefore, to get to 10, I had to get through the first couple days somehow, to get the hang of things at least a bit, after which, inspired by something I heard Joseph Goldstein say on YouTube, I started to turn my walking breaks into longer and longer walking meditation sessions.
The principles were the same. I was attempting to focus continuously on sensations occurring inside my own body, and to tune out everything else. Walking outside meant most sensations were coming from the feet and legs, but not exclusively of course. Sweating, itching, back, breeze on body — all of that is there and easy to access.
My eyes were open to an environment that was more distracting from the one inside the house for me, so that was sort of the next level. And I assume it is the next level in more advanced courses. Birds chirping, bikers whizzing by, occasionally people chatting, a million tiny lizards scurrying around as your approach, and freaking you out for a while until you realize the rattlesnake and mountain lion signs at the park might be outdated. (Edit: There was apparently living mountain lions at that park. Good decision to walk the long way around down the street instead when I got really lost once after dark.)
Then there’s lying down. This one is tough. It’s extremely difficult to stay awake, particularly if sleep deprived or with a full belly, and when you’re asked to close your eyes. I tried various tricks, such as tinkering with my head position, setting my phone timer to 15 mins over and over again, and finally just keeping my eyes open. Nothing worked well. This is the biggest gap in my research, and I’d love to hear of strategies to make this work. The only idea I didn’t try yet was putting a glass full of water somewhere I had to actively hold it with my hands. I don’t have high hopes for that trick either, given that even a couple of sits I kept continuously passing out and nodding myself awake.
I broke down my last day as follows, and in the future would myself aim for:
- 4 hours sitting or standing
- 3 hours lying
- 3 hours walking
That’s my current capacity in a day in terms of non-lying. Walking hurts eventually as well.
Something “fun” I did: I brought a chair on a few of my walks and sat in the middle of the canyon park. Near a trail in the woods in the August California heat. That was extremely serene.
Until there were flies. I challenged myself to stay indifferent to flies landing on me. It was doable on the legs and arms. It got reaaallly “interesting” when they learned I was a static, tasty, salty piece of meat, and started landing on my face, and occasionally trying to crawl into my nose or ear.
Turns out, I believe, we’re evolved so that, once we register a critter landing on our skin, the skin there will get extremely itchy on that spot, way after the thing has moved on, really until you touch it as the signal that anything sketchy has been wiped off.
These flies in the dry side of the park I managed to deal with and they seemed harmless. Once I walked past the lake, all bets were off, with these tiny little hellish creatures that come in droves and fly in clouds above the ground. These were tough to ignore. Next trip maybe, after I research what diseases they’re trying to give me.
Want a first-class challenge? Try sitting among some mosquitoes. I’m not looking forward to that.
What to Bring
- Self-meditation guide if applicable
- Schedule printout
- Printed map of the area near you
- Your phone. Turn it off quickly, but keep it charged, turn it on for the lectures (if doing Goenka), take it with you when you leave your premises as a flashlight and GPS for emergencies.
- Wrist watch with alarm (great $16 one on Amazon)
- Cushions, cushions, cushions. You can’t have enough, of various sizes. Seriously, pack any extra empty space in your car with cushions. For people with sitting issues, my trusty orthopedic Twin Cheeks cushion by Cushion Your Assets is sold here.
- Chair: The most comfortable chair you own that you can fit in your transportation. It really helps to go to an area that has a few different sitting surfaces, but hopefully your cushions help you if not. For pelvic pain patients, another light, portable toilet seat chair I found quite helpful is sold here.
- Neck issues? I love this cervical collar, works great on flights too.
- Clothes, towel, toiletries for 10 days
- Food
- Sunglasses
- Sunscreen
- Hat
- Paper towels, toilet paper, trash bags
- No pets, you need focus
What I’d Love to Keep from My Retreat
There’s one standout benefit for me in the intro Goenka level. I have these lifelong habits, among them a hand tic of sorts where I squeeze my fists, holding my breath, tucking my belly. Things that are supposed to be terrible for my pelvic pain according to some people. This is by far the best tool I have for all those issues. I didn’t do anything remotely like that with my body for 10 days, since the core of the exercise there is to be constantly monitoring my body and keep a neutral position.
And I think that’s a good blueprint. Goenka originally found Vipassana in his search to cure his chronic migraines, but he was advised, and his courses today advise, not to expect any healing from ailments.
But if a major issue of yours is something you’re, even subconsciously, doing within your body, such as predictable poor interactions with your friends, family, or coworkers, or a more of an OCD behavior, regular practice of Vipassana should be really helpful. And it did, in fact, help with my friend’s migraines!
A controversial branch of psychology, based on ideas Freud originally popularized, does theorize that a lot of physical conditions, too, are psychosomatic: manifestations of mental processes. The most well-known contemporary proponent of this thinking may be John Sarno, and while it did nothing for my pain, it costs little effort to try his method, essentially consisting of reviewing your life for certain events and thought patterns, and then doing some writing and thinking exercises. Lots of write-ups are easily found online, or for a full, if honestly clearly excessive and repetitive, discussion, check out one of his last books, The Mindbody Prescription. Vipassana would work well as a tool to use with Sarno’s “prescriptions”.
I’m not 100% convinced I want to stick with a regular practice of the kind Goenka recommends, similar meditation, sitting within your own body, twice a day for an hour each, for the rest of my life.
More abstractly, yes, I would like a daily exercise in focus and staying composed, as well as a modicum of peace and quiet. With the former — if I’m able to go back to work as a software engineer, that’s the job already. The latter aspect is more at odds with our everyday life and therefore worth accounting for explicitly in my day.
At the moment I’m thinking about keeping a short form of the two daily walks, which I was already doing in the city before. Except that would compete for time with my staying connected with family (phone) and the world (podcasts and books). So it’s an open question.
Other specific things I’d love to keep:
- Earlier sleep schedule
- Earlier meal schedule — no food after lunch, or a very early dinner, works much better with my body at 35 than my previous habits
- Make my own meals more often
- No snacking and to keep the 5lb I lost off my body.
I was already having trouble with all of those within 2 days. There’s reasons being a monk is not on my list of priorities at the moment.
But it’s certainly given me a solid overview of the benefits, should I switch preferences down the road due to change in environment, old age, or being unable to stop the so far unrelenting progression of my mysterious disease for 5 years and counting, with, theoretically, the whole Western healthcare system at my service.
Good luck!
Please comment below with questions or corrections, or tweet at me @healthynikolay.
